Dear reader,

To be reading this you must have done one of the following:

• you hacked into the mainframe by keying the melody for “Funkytown” into the hidden keypad (“Beep beep, boop, beep, boop boop”)

• or you found this amazing content on Roberts’ Green Letter.

Either way, let me be the first to congratulate you!

Wait. Why do people say things like that?

What’s…